10 Lessons from a 10-Year Old

This post is actually three years old. But, it still provides some valuable lessons from the happenings of a 10-year-old.

I got a call from my daughter’s school nurse last week. My mind went to sore throat, upset stomach – all the bugs that go around this time of the year. Instead, I heard that she fell off the high bar at recess. “And we think she broke her right arm.” Oh boy.

Here were the stats at the end of the day:

  • 4 hours waiting
  • 3 broken bones
  • 2 casts (one on each arm)
  • 1 scratched up face

And … 10 lessons learned from my 10-year-old over the last week. Even though each one is pretty simple, you might benefit from the refreshers both personally and professionally. I know I did.

  1. Smile.
    She was wearing a smile in every picture I took of her. The doctor said she was one tough cookie. Sometimes the ability to keep smiling is very difficult. But when we smile, we can make someone’s day without even knowing it and it makes staying positive much easier.
  2. Improvise.
    Her Halloween costume would no longer work with the casts. So, she decided to let her injury work in her favor and opted to be an “injured person” instead. When Plan A doesn’t work, move quickly to the next solution and you might find it better than your original plan.
  3. A lesson that doesn’t kill you is a lesson learned.
    When I pointed this out, I knew I had officially become my mother. But it’s so true. I was at a marketing conference a few years ago and one of the speakers said he would frequently tell his team that “no one is going to die” if they didn’t do something exactly right. As long as you are continually learning and then adjusting, you will get it right.
  4. Don’t be a show-off.
    Speaks for itself. Don’t do it. Ever.
  5. Let rumors roll off your back.
    Her biggest concern was rumors would spread about the accident. What if someone said she did it on purpose? What if someone said she got pushed off? As I listened to the simplicity of her concerns, I thought about how easy it is to get wrapped up in the worry of what others think, no matter how big/small/positive/negative/neutral it is.
  6. Allow others to help you.
    I have become very good at getting just about any shirt or coat over two arm casts. There are other things she can still do on her own. Recognize where you need help and ask for it. It is ok!
  7. Take a month off from busy-ness.
    You can’t really play sports or practice the clarinet with two arm casts. So, she gets a month off from the normal, busy weekly schedule. We are all enjoying this break! Sometimes taking time to slow down and smell the roses is absolutely necessary.
  8. Always sport your flair.
    The best part about two casts? Picking out two different colors! She opted for neon green and rainbow tie-dye. What color is your flair? Make sure you sport it as much as possible.
  9. Do not use casts – or any other item for that matter – to harm others.
    It has been very tempting for her to use her casts as weapons on her five-year-old brother. But we learned in kindergarten that it’s not nice to hit others. That’s still true.
  10. Being famous isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
    After her first day back at school, I asked her if she got a lot of attention and was tired of telling the same story over and over again. She rolled her eyes and said, “Yes. I definitely never want to be famous.” After hitting it big, you might long to be just an ordinary person after all. (Casts might come in handy for the paparazzi, though!) Just kidding.

Don’t forget to live

We get so busy in life that we sometimes forget to live. We spend time capturing or recording a memory instead of just living in it. I read this last week and it was too good not to share on this topic.

Here is Bob Moorehead about the importance of the little things:

“The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things.

We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.

These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember, to spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent.

Remember, to say, “I love you” to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person might not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.”

Let’s live this life. We only have one.

Discerning God’s Will

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I am always trying to discern God’s will. I have found that this is not an easy thing to do – at all – and as humans we tend to find what we’re looking for. We justify things, telling ourselves it must be God’s will. I cannot sit here and write this with a definitive answer. I don’t have one. If I did, I wouldn’t continue to take wrong turns in my life.

One thing I know is that God’s will is perfect, which is why it’s truly all I want. My problem is that I cannot get out of my own way. I know He must get so frustrated with me because I screw things up by trying to take over and control in an attempt to keep my expectations at bay and limit disappointments. Yet, I still worry. I still get scared. And I still feel disappointment. My very own subconscious strategy is working against me.

Something I read recently opened my eyes about this topic. It said that the mature Christian does not need to know what’s in it for him or herself. He or she asks for God’s will and says I am willing to do anything without even knowing what it means for me. This was really a different perspective for me to soak in. We are all inherently self-centered so of course when thinking of God’s will for MY life, I think about ME. Right? I mean, I also think about those that are most important to me, like my children and the rest of my family. What is really crazy are the stories in the Bible where parents left their children to follow God’s will. And God blessed them for it. We cannot even imagine that in the world we live in today. I can’t even come close to imagining that.

God dwells in each of us – Father, Son and Holy Spirit. This is also such a big concept for me to grasp. There are voices in our head and if we listen, all three will talk to us. I’ve been working really hard at this. We don’t have to speak or think to pray. We can just listen. The toughest part is deciphering God’s three voices versus the other two voices in our head – our own and Satan’s. Satan isn’t always dressed up in a red suit and horns. He has a way of telling you what you want to hear and how to make all of your earthly dreams come true. It can be the voice of laziness, self despair or greed, telling you it is ok. And the downward spiral begins when your own voice begins to believe it and then begins to tell yourself that is must be God’s will. I have listened to these voices go back and forth and it is still hard for me to know which one to listen to. But, as I pray and allow this quiet time to stop and listen, there are things that have become a lot more clear to me.

Discerning God’s will also becomes easier when you think about life only in 24-hour chunks. He gave us 24 hours in a day for a reason. I tend to get way too far ahead of myself, which is when I totally get in the way. Yesterday is over. Tomorrow is not promised. So, all we have in this moment is right now, today. We can forgive in a day. We can forget in a day. We can love in a day. We can give in a day. We can be sad in a day. We can be hopeful in a day. There are good days, bad days and better days. But it is always a new day. We can’t dwell in the bad days for longer than 24 hours. God gives us hope for tomorrow and we only have enough in us to successfully get through one day.

Come what may. As I started focusing only on the next 24 hours, I also tried to stopped forcing or chasing anything. I will do my best and do my part if I feel I need to take action (again, sometimes I do this and I absolutely shouldn’t), but otherwise I know that God’s will will be done. Because I pray for it to be. That means that I get to take the back seat and let him drive. I pray a lot on my way to work in the morning for God to surprise me today. This is HUGE for me because I’ve never liked surprises in my life. It’s why I can’t watch Iowa football without covering my eyes for at least three quarters of the game and for sure during every 3rd down no matter what side the ball is on. It is why I don’t care if someone tells me what happens at the end of a movie, why I read a few of the last pages before I get to the end of a book and why I tend to sometimes make impulsive decisions so it is definitive and done and I no longer have to wonder. I’ve realized over the past few months, however, that this is no way to live. God certainly does not intend for me to live this way. He wants me to walk in His path and delight in His will. There will be horrible times and times full of pain, but He promises to give us strength to get through these times. So, embracing the day, being surprised with what God has in store because I am walking by faith and not by sight and sitting back to let life come to me is my ultimate focus. What I do not wait for, however, is God’s calling to help others. I pray for him to open my eyes and see where He needs my help and if there is a heart that He can touch through me. This has seriously been as small as a smile, giving grace to someone, listening with love, talking about my story, or paying for a soda in the break room for someone because the machine wasn’t taking cash.

I am certainly not perfect and I am a big, huge sinner like all of us who fall short of the Glory of God. However, I am trying to get better and meet the person God created me to be – 24 hours at a time.

Life really is as simple as this

I’m making a vow to myself right now. This is like a moment when there is a line drawn in the sand – a before this and an after this.  I’ve been living life too much on my thoughts, hopes and wishes. I have the greatest dreams and goals, but life keeps getting in the way of me truly pursuing them. Like for real pursuing them. I do little things here and there, however I do not do enough to ACT and have a relentlessness energy to run after what sets my soul on fire.

I was spending my 15 minutes loving myself today and this was my revelation.  It is time for me to just do – even if the road looks long – I’m going to chunk it down so each day is manageable and I truly do something that matters in the pursuit of the dreams and goals I have for myself and my children.

I need to figure out exactly what this looks like, but I am at a point where I know I am ready to take some crazy action. And possibly some risks, which is a little scary for this kind of, sort of risk-adverse person. God is putting things on my heart for a reason, so it’s time for me to take a step closer to the woman He wants me to be, with my eyes closed and standing firm in my faith. I want to allow myself to be surprised beyond belief at what faith can do if you not only fully surrender, but fully ACT.

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30 Ways to Love Yourself in 15 Minutes a Day

30 Ways to Love Yourself in 15 Minutes a Day

15 minutes a day. 105 minutes a week. 450 minutes a month. That’s only 90 hours in an entire year. Do you think you can carve that out of your life to focus solely on loving yourself? We should all take more time to love ourselves, but in the busy world of work, sports, side jobs, cleaning, shopping, running the kids’ taxi service, exercising, etc. it is not as easy as it should be to squeeze in this extra 15 minutes.

This is not something I’ve done as a set schedule, but as I write this post I am now committing to 15 minutes a day (I usually tend to save it all up and spend a couple of hours each week) to simply loving myself. There is nothing more important than loving yourself. If we don’t love ourselves, then no on else can, either. If we don’t see our own worth, then no one else can, either.  If we don’t enjoy our own company, then no one else can, either.

While moving on with my life post-divorce and truly living on my own, I have had to come to terms with these truths. Facing my deepest insecurities head-on has not been easy or pretty, and I’m still very much working on loving myself without limits or conditions. That’s why the following 30 ways to love yourself in 15 minutes a day is just as helpful to me as it is to anyone reading this. Self control, self talk, saying no, boundary setting and enforcement all take practice, like anything else in life. Are you ready to practice? Are you ready to let yourself be truly seen so you can be truly loved? If so, here are 30 ways to practice loving yourself everyday:

  1. Pray
  2. Pray in reverse – don’t be the one doing the talking with God – be silent and see what the Holy Spirit speaks to you in your mind
  3. Call someone important to you that you haven’t talked to in a long time – don’t text, CALL!
  4. Make a list of all of the qualities you like about yourself and all of the qualities you don’t like about yourself – re-visit this list every few weeks and see what progress you’ve made toward the qualities you don’t like
  5. Volunteer
  6. Journal or blog – this can be about anything, about your day, a relationship, something you’re trying to work through, your raw thoughts, literally ANYTHING, just let your mind flow onto the paper and see what happens
  7. Learn something new – a hobby, language, sport, anything
  8. Make a list of your life goals and set reasonable time frames in which to accomplish them – pick one to focus on during your 15 minutes until it is accomplished
  9. Find a good yoga app
  10. Sit outside and simply observe everything around you
  11. Make a list of all of the things you are thankful for
  12. Draw or paint a picture
  13. Write yourself a letter and forgive yourself for something you need to forgive yourself for
  14. Take a bath, light a candle and relax in silence or to your favorite music
  15. Drive around and sing at the top of your lungs
  16. Go to Target – YES this is a way to love yourself, I promise! I also get a large fountain Diet Coke and a bag of popcorn from the snack bar to shop with me – WARNING – this may exceed 15 minutes but doesn’t have to 🙂
  17. Lay in the sun and let your face truly feel it soaking in
  18. Go for a walk or bike ride
  19. Figure out the rules and boundaries you want for yourself – what do you need to be saying no to?
  20. Make a list of your favorite things
  21. Write a card to someone and send it in the mail
  22. Write a card to yourself and send it in the mail
  23. Dance to loud music and watch yourself in the mirror, too! Smile and HAVE FUN doing this one
  24. Bake cookies
  25. Read a few chapters of a book
  26. Get a coffee and people watch in your favorite coffee shop
  27. Buy yourself fresh flowers and put them in your kitchen
  28. Ask someone for feedback
  29. Do some sort of puzzle – jigsaw, crossword, word search, etc.
  30. Record yourself saying something you want yourself to hear in the future – play back these recordings often

I could probably keep going, but here are the 30 ways to love yourself in just 15 minutes a day. What do you think? What would you add?

Divorce journey takes friends

I’ve realized something lately. It’s not earth shattering or something I didn’t know before. But, does something ever hit you, like really hit you, and even though you knew it before – all of a sudden you just see things a little differently? This is what happened to me. ***I’m placing a long post warning right here – if you want to just get to what I’ve realized, skip down to the last two paragraphs. If you want to follow how my crazy mind works, well then read on from here. 🙂

I’ve always had the best friends. I have been so blessed in this department my whole life. I was single for a very long time, so maybe that is part of the reason why. I was always ALL about my friends throughout high school and college and could pour a lot of me into them. In fact, I was just telling my teenage daughter last year that if you aren’t making an effort in friendships/relationships, you aren’t going to get anything out of them. My lesson to her was simple – as a girl, you NEED girl friends. It is essential to every part of your being. She wanted to be instantly liked and included – and not have to step out of her comfort zone in order to develop deep friendships. This is when I told her that you have to put your real, authentic self out there. (Which I realize can be really scary in 7th grade at a new school.) She had a Christmas movie marathon at our house in December and invited old friends, as well as people she was just getting to know. And the rest is history, really. My number one thanks to God in my prayers over the last several months is seeing her with what is now down to a group of four of them that have become so close. I can tell she is 100% herself around them and vice versa. It literally brings tears to my eyes as I type this because it makes me so happy. Maybe this is where this revelation started even, I don’t know.

Moving on…I never wanted to be a divorced person. I didn’t want that label and honestly, I was ashamed of it. I felt that all of a sudden I got looked at differently and stopped getting invited to couple or family parties…because I was going to start hitting on all of the husbands?! However, I’ve tried my best to not let those thoughts and insecurities control me. At first, I hid out. A lot. I moved away in my own little place and only let in those closest to me. But, little by little I started to let my guard down. I gave time its proper time (and still am) and have been able to accept the situation and forgive myself for the most part.

Then I did something really brave. I got out of the almost four-year relationship I was in immediately after my divorce. This was probably one of the most courageous things I’ve ever done. I know that sounds pathetic, but it was a moment when I broke my own cycle. I took what I learned from my past and decided it wasn’t going to affect my future. I wasn’t going to get to one or five years down the road just to receive validation that my gut was right. It was scary to leave what was comfortable and who I knew loved me…no matter what. I could have stayed forever just for that alone, because then I never would have had to face the risk of not being loved ever again. However, I knew God was with me and would get me through – and in the end I would look back and know that the beauty waiting for me on the other side was because of the risk I took to let go and break the cycle. This is truly when I chose myself and risked living this life alone in order to choose her. What I’ve learned in this time, however, is that even if I’m not in a relationship or married, I’m not living this life alone. And that, my friends, opened my eyes and provided me more strength than I’ve ever had. Do I still have insecurities? Of course. Do I still get lonely and long for one complete family and to build a home with someone? Yes! And I know all of that is ok because it is just who I am. (This is girl is one HOPELESS ROMANTIC…I just know I have to embrace her and simmer her down a little when needed.) I also know that I need to be patient and LIVE moment by moment for once in my life.

I pray a lot for God to SHOW me how I can help – to make it abundantly clear what I am called to do. This is because I am so blind and there are so many times I miss something obvious or don’t act on a thought that crossed my mind. I forget that the Holy Spirit lives within me and gives me these nudges, but so many times I disregard them as my own thoughts. Acting on the things in which we know are good and we know must be heaven-sent is where we start to become closer to the person God created us to be. I read this question somewhere recently: what if at the end of your life you were able to meet the you that you could have been? That is a powerful thought. The gap could be so incredibly large or we could work now everyday to make sure the gap is as small as possible. And this isn’t about money or success – it is about a heart that takes action. I digress because that is not what this post is about, it is just how my thought process works. However, part of my realization stemmed from this notion of tuning in and acting on those nudges, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem.

Living moment by moment has helped me realize what I tried to get to in the first paragraph. And that is that sometimes the call to action is literally right in front of our eyes. It can be our closest friends, family members, or someone you just pass by and say hi to everyday at work and have no idea what he or she is really going through. It is about not being scared to tell your story because you never know who needs to hear it. We all go through muck in life and every single one of us has our own unique muck. God knows this because he knows everything. He knows who He can use to help his children through whatever muck they happen to be in. After encountering new friends and old friends that have been or are going through a divorce right now, it clicked for me that this is my call to action. I haven’t thought a lot about friendships being a call to action from God because like I said, I just always had good ones. However, I didn’t have a girl friend with kids that knew what I was going through when I got divorced. I had great girl friends that were there for me, don’t get me wrong, but no one that I could really connect with. It was kind of like when I had my daughter because I had kids many years before my friends did. I had to go through it first. Was I perfect? Not in the slightest. I was forced to figure things out, though.

SO…what I have realized is that I am BLESSED with those around me…with my girl friends…old and new. I have also realized that I have friends right now who truly need me. That is weird to write out loud. And I am truly willing to lose sleep for these friends and give up other things so I can spend time with them to listen or to just validate what they are going through. I want to be there to watch romcoms, laugh, snort and give hope in the fact that everything WILL be ok…with their hearts, with their kids, and with their lives. And I know because I’ve been there. And in many ways I am still there…I’m just at a different point in the journey. We are walking this journey arm in arm because we’ve been connected with our stories and our muck. Our muck happens to be similar so it bonds us together. I know there are many other stories like this – wives that have had to see their husbands on multiple deployments, those battling cancer, those coping with sick kids or loss. This is what we are called to do in this world. This is God at work. This is God being omnipresent. I know it with all of my being. If I’ve had to go through all of my own unique muck (and I know there’s more to come) just to get to this point of realization, I can honestly say it’s all made me a better person and certainly closer to the woman God created me to be. I am working to be more like her every single day. I am looking right under my nose for ways to help others in my life here, right where I am.

Thank you to all of my friends – every single one of you holds a special place in my heart and helps me in SO many ways. And then there is FAMILY. That is like multiple posts, so I’ll just end with a huge thank you. There is nothing like the feeling of a grateful heart. And mine certainly runneths over.

Girl friends

Quotes to read over and over…and over

Beautiful things ask for no attention

I still believe in 398.2

Never apologize for saying what you feel. That’s like being sorry for being real.

Waiting for someone to make you happy is the surest way to be sad

One day can change everything

Don’t be afraid to lose what wasn’t meant to be

Actions always prove why words mean nothing

Blessed are those who give without remembering and receive without forgetting

However good or bad your situation is – it will change

Your children only get one childhood

Don’t forget to fall in love with yourself first

What’s for you won’t pass you by

See the light in others and treat them as if that’s all you see

Embrace the current season of your life

The less I needed, the better I felt

As much as you want to plan your life, it has a way of surprising you with unexpected things that will make you happier then you originally planned – that’s what you call God’s Will.

Trust dreams. Trust you heart and trust your story.

The woman who does not require validation is unstoppable!

 

Moving on After Divorce: Stay True to Yourself

I actually found the journal entry below from the year I got divorced, which was five years ago. So, I thought I’d share it. This where I was then in the divorce journey. It’s definitely been a road, but I can say that I have tried really hard to always stay true to myself. And, since then I have seen that girl again. She smiles and laughs and even cries – if you are numb and go without crying for years – it is actually a blessing to finally let yourself cry again.


I’ve learned to stay true to yourself.

There are so many things, beliefs, thoughts, memories, experiences and education that together make us who we are. Coupled with the core of our personality, or how we’re wired, we can take ourselves in many different directions based on current and past circumstances in life, age and simply frame of mind. I’ve spent so much time the last several years just going through the motions, running on empty and trying to do it all that I lost part of me along the way. I think I even got to a point where I thought this is it, just survive.

In the last couple of months, I’ve had the people that are closest to me open my eyes. It also took a therapist telling me I’m broken. Yeah, kind of hurty. But true. I had stopped feeling much of anything because that seemed easiest. I knew I’d let pieces of me go along the way and I didn’t think I could ever get them back. But I’m questioning that now. I know I’ll never be the person I was before 2005. There was a line drawn in the sand – one of those life moments where you know nothing will ever be the same from that point forward. But…

I’ve been thinking a lot about who I really am, what makes me tick, what you can get me talking about for hours and what I feel kind of ‘meh’ about. I’m working on staying true to her and fighting for her. Every day. For me, this means that I’m not going to accept less than extraordinary – a quote I had hanging on my wall in college. For the dreamer that I am, I’m done with not letting myself dream and plan and have goals to meet and celebrations to be had when complete. I’m going to question more and allow myself to feel again. I’m going to write and write. I’m going to sing at the top of my lungs and dance to really bad cover bands. I’m going to speak up, debate and lead. I’m going to joke around, be sarcastic and laugh until my stomach hurts. I’m going to stay positive and count every blessing. I’m not going to stop learning. I’m going to believe. Again.

I’m not finished with me yet. I’m trying to stay true to this girl that needs to let the sun hit her face and show me things I haven’t seen in a while.