Funny (and irritating) plane ride story

Current situation. On a plane to Chicago. In the window seat. Guy on the aisle is snoring – like Larry Zars snoring (my dad – who could win an Olympic medal for snoring – but don’t worry, he doesn’t have Sleep Apnea – just ask him!) The guy in the middle is seriously in my bubble – and I am so close to the window that any closer I’d be skydiving.

I am going to have a serious neck and back ache from having to sit this way for almost 4 hours. I elbowed his arm once and gave him my best death look and he moved it, but now it is right back way over the arm rest. And he has a cold, is sniffling non-stop and using the same nasty tissue that I fear is going to touch me. I am usually pretty laid back but I am outright irritated at this point.

I am too nice. It is difficult for me to look someone in the eye and say excuse me you are being a giant d-bag. Will you please get out of my space? And take some freaking nyquil. I’d rather you be snoring like the other guy.

And the internet is slow.

And get this – the middle seat guy was sitting in the aisle seat when I got to the row. He told me that if I would’ve had the aisle seat he was going to ask me to switch because he doesn’t like the middle seat (because so many people do). Luckily I had the window seat or I probably would’ve let him have the aisle seat. When the other guy came to claim the aisle seat, middle seat guy didn’t even ask him to switch!

I almost paid extra for a closer seat. It would’ve been worth every penny. SMH, looking out the window…man I’d rather be skydiving right now.

I'd rather be skydiving right now.

A lot can happen in a year

I think about this every single year at this time. And almost every year I think to myself that I don’t really know how that much more could happen in the coming year. This past year I couldn’t have been more wrong!

My faith grew in ways I cannot even explain…I grew personally and experienced losing a job.

I witnessed a Christmas miracle when one of my very best friends dad went home from the hospital yesterday after news right before Christmas that he only had a 25% chance to live.

I witnessed my own answered prayers and am learning to live for new surprises from God every day..I just need to get out of my own way.

I courageously became single and God met me with such beauty on the other side.

He protected me every single step of the way in 2017. So, instead of facing unknowns with fear and control this year, I am so excited to see 2018 unfold…come what may!

Tough Decisions

World crashing down…post 30 days…more to come…

This quote has been in the back of my head all week. I had 3 separate paths I could’ve taken but could only choose one. Each offered something unique and if presented on their own, I wouldn’t have been able to pass up a single one. God certainly works in mysterious ways. He knows tough decisions are not my strength, so I had to rely on Him and follow what He put in my heart. Here’s to letting go and letting God. But first, 2 more weeks of being unemployed…and finally getting to decompress, start to heal and move on. Thank you for all of the love, support and endless prayers!

No Shame November

Everyone has heard of No Shave November and while us girls would love to take part (and I am sure some even do), I know I couldn’t do it. My girlfriend and I were talking this weekend – not about No Shave November – but about us as women – loving ourselves, believing in ourselves and respecting ourselves. Married, single, divorced, young, old, in between – all females can relate to this topic. A lot is put on our shoulders. We have to be fit but not too skinny, pretty but not intimidating, successful, raise good kids, keep houses together while working, live in a constant guilt circle, come last and many times sacrifice our own needs…the list goes on. Not that there is not a lot expected out of men because there most definitely is. We tend to be harder on ourselves and maybe just a bit more emotional, however.

Our conversation led to both of us saying one word: enough. Enough of the worry, enough of the guilt, enough of the insecurity…enough of the shame. Since it is the beginning of November and forming habits and true life changes takes at least 30 days, we decided to have our own month of change called NO SHAME NOVEMBER. What does No Shame November look like?

• Consciously pick your thoughts like you pick your clothes (positive self-talk vs. negative self-talk)

• Let go of anything you know you truly need to stop hanging onto

• Stop accepting behavior/treatment from anyone that you should never accept

• Speak up for yourself

• Believe in yourself – and not just say you do – but really believe

• Put yourself first and do not feel guilty about it

• Get out of your own way – wait on God and he will act on your behalf

• See your true worth

• Give absolutely zero F’s

• Get rid of things you don’t need

• Give generously to others that are in need

• Fast/cleanse and exercise

• No more body shaming

• Treasure who you are right now

• Stop chasing anything or anyone – be done – what is for you will not pass you by

• Pamper and take care of yourself

• No more doubt, insecurity, guilt, comparison, worry, fear

• Do not hold back from being your true self and say what you think and feel without regret

• Write down everything you are thankful for

• Make time for your true priorities

• Learn something new

• Live in the moment

This list could go on and on. But it truly is whatever each one of us individually needs to not live in shame, guilt, regret or unhappiness. As women, it is so easy to go down the shame rabbit holes. This month, let’s all get together and say ENOUGH. Let’s start a movement. Who’s with us?!?!

Please share your No Shame November stories!

What to do When Your World Comes Crashing Down on You

World crashing down – Day 3.

Well. I didn’t think I would be writing this post but here I am. On Monday morning I found out that I was being laid off from where I had been for over a decade.

I am actually thankful to be unemployed right now. I need situations that I’ve never been in before to make me stronger and better. I know that when I get to the end, I most definitely will be both. It doesn’t make it any easier or less scary, but it does give me motivation and hope for the future. I looked for other opportunities a few times over my tenure, but never did anything that took much effort because I never knew if I could actually pull the trigger and leave or not. I also wanted to stay. I loved what I did. I loved my team.

I do not have a choice now. It is like God was trying to get me to open my eyes for a long time and I wasn’t budging. So, he had to force me down a different path. I am trying to figure out what that path looks like, but I do have faith even though I cannot see. I started reaching out to my network and sending resumes on Monday at probably 10:00 am because I couldn’t sit around and do nothing, even if for a day or a week. Not when I have my kids’ wellbeing on the line and too much to figure out for our future. Being divorced, I do not have anyone to come home to that I can lean on in terms of a spouse, so it’s all on me. I already had a phone screen on Monday, I have coffee with a recruiter tomorrow morning and another phone interview tomorrow, as well. I will do my part. And, it could still take 90 days or more to land a new position, I know. I am fully preparing myself for that possibility. It scares me, but I do know it will all be ok. I have actually been through worse and it was all ok then. That’s how I know it will all be ok this time.

So, what do you do when your world comes crashing down on you, like mine did this week? Below is my advice and what I am trying to do with every passing hour:

  • Pray and give thanks – for me this is so number one. God does not put us through anything he will not give us the strength to get through. I am strong enough with God to get through this and any other tragedy that will most definitely strike my life. I thanked him right away. I still have so much to be thankful for. And I am constantly praying because I can’t get through this without constantly praying.
  • Only focus on getting through the next 24 hours – this is big for me because I like to get way too far down the road in my thinking and planning. However, I simply cannot do that right now. I can only focus on today. I am not worrying about tomorrow. Today has enough worries of its own.
  • Do not make any rash decisions – my dad told me this right away. Hmmmm do you think that maybe I’ve made some of these in the past? For sure. I was already talking to him about moving on Monday. He was just shaking his head and said verbatim: “Lindy, do not make any rash decisions.” Got it.
  • Spend time with your parents, if you can. I know I am blessed to have my parents so close to me. I went to their house the very next morning because I needed to be “home.”
  • If you don’t want to talk to or see anyone at any point, don’t. I tend to go inward when I am trying to get myself through something. I’ve had a lot of phone calls I haven’t answered because I am just not ready. I am telling myself that is ok because I know that at some point I will be ready.
  • Use your network – I haven’t went into full blown networking mode, but I have reached out to the vital people in my network that can start to move mountains for me in terms of getting my name and resume in front of the right people. When I am ready, I will do this more and with people I don’t even know.
  • Soak in the love – while I haven’t let everyone in quite yet, I do have a close circle of family and friends that have been here for me. It can be difficult to accept help but sometimes you are the one that needs the love and support. This is the time to soak it in and allow it to happen.
  • Don’t lose your sense of humor – I drove to my sister’s house right away after leaving the company. I have a garage door opener to her house and it wasn’t working. I found out it was because the power was temporarily out. I laughed to myself at the time, though, because I was like “I have literally lost access EVERYWHERE!!!” Haha.
  • Allow yourself to be sad, but don’t stay there. I am a person that needs a mental health day every quarter or so. I need to get the tears out and just be depressed. I need to lie around and do nothing and throw myself just a little pity party. I’m sure this will happen a few times during the next few weeks and months. I will just not let myself stay there or pity party too long.
  • Don’t eat too much…or too little. I can go either way. This week it has been more of not having an appetite and who knows next week. I am trying to make myself eat the right amount and healthy foods.
  • Day drink – I haven’t done this yet but I fully plan on it. 🙂
  • Believe in yourself – I talked to my old boss on Monday morning. He was one of the first people I called. I will never forget what he told me. And that was that this is NOT the time to not believe in myself.
  • Go on a long drive and sing at the top of your lungs or cry your eyes out…or both. My dad actually drove to Minnesota with me yesterday because I felt like going on a drive. Not many dads will do that with their 37-year-old daughter, but mine will. And, he will even listen to my Christmas playlist with me on Halloween (and sing along). My mom would, too, she just couldn’t get out of work yesterday. 🙂 I’ve also cried alone in the car a few times this week. One of these times was after I had to clean my office out on Tuesday morning. That was a difficult moment.
  • Give grace and don’t hold grudges – but it is ok to not want to see or talk to some people ever again in your life. Don’t feel bad about that.
  • Clean house – sell all the stuff you haven’t used, touched or worn for a long time. I am kind of digging eBay. Why not make a little extra cash to stash when I need it most?
  • Embrace being an at-home mom (or dad) while you can. My kids and I slept in this morning because I didn’t have to rush to be at work early. I am leaving to pick my daughter up from school in five minutes. I am scheduling my son’s conference for during the day. Because I can!
  • Give back. The best thing I could do right now is help someone else or give money to someone who needs it more than I do. This is what God has called us to do.

Sometimes you have to get through your fear to see the beauty on the other side. That is how I am living today and for the near term anyway. I am facing my fear head-on. I know my kids will be ok and I will be ok. I know we will be taken care of. And, that’s all I need to know in the next 24 hours.

I’ll keep you all posted on my journey. Thank you for all of your support.


12 Daily Reminders

I saw this today and loved it. It is so true.

1. The past cannot be changed
2. Opinions don’t define your reality
3. Everyone’s journey is different
4. Things always get better with time
5. Judgments are a confession of character
6. Overthinking will lead to sadness
7. Happiness is found within
8. Positive thoughts create positive things
9. Smiles are contagious
10. Kindness is free
11. You only fail if you quit
12. What goes around comes around

Here’s my take on the above:

Stop running back to what hurt you. Don’t look back, you are not going that way. Yesterday is over, tomorrow is not promised so live for today – moment by moment. Always remember that you have no idea what someone else is going through. Time IS the ultimate healer. I read recently that if you wait on God, he will act on your behalf. I will probably write that hundreds of times because it is so simple, yet so profound. Be patient. Give time its proper time. Overthinking is a tough one. But if you can get past it at least some of the time, you will not worry about 99% of the things you worry about that never actually happen. We can choose to be happy or not. But, I believe that it is ok to let yourself feel the full spectrum of emotions. Have a sad day. Just don’t stay there. If you think you can or cannot, you are right. You can never go wrong with being nice. Laughter is essential to living a well-balanced and fulfilling life. Surround yourself with those who can make you laugh. Don’t give up – slow and steady wins the race. The tide always turns.

Don’t Settle for Less Than This in a Relationship

I am a relationship type of person – through and through. Not just romantic relationships (although those are kinda my favorite) but family and friendships, co-workers and even strangers. How we interact with each other is so incredibly powerful and even more so in today’s digital world where face to face communication is becoming less and less. Nothing beats face to face communication, in my opinion. This is especially true in romantic relationships. I need to feel like I am a priority for quality time together and I also don’t want to be the one always making sure that everything works out that we can be together – since busy schedules do get in the way.
I want someone who is in it as much as I am. If I am making the relationship one of my very top priorities, I don’t want to be with someone who isn’t doing that on their end.  I am the type of person who could totally take control and make sure I get the quality time I need. What I have figured out, however, is that doesn’t feel good to me. And I want to feel good. What feels good to me more than anything is someone that is just as crazy about being together as I am. This doesn’t mean hanging out 24/7 – it means capitalizing when it is possible to be together and prioritizing this time above other things. I am searching for one life together with someone. This means there are kids/family obligations, work obligations, guys nights, girls nights and alone time – no doubt – I need those things, too. But it also means that you consider each other with those things and when there are events or free weekend nights or no plans at all – that you’re doing it all together, and it doesn’t even cross your mind not to do it all together.
I have realized in my many years of wisdom that THIS is what I want and need. And I’m not going to settle for less. I will verbalize it and make it clear (this can be difficult for me, but I know it is important because no one, especially no guy, is a mind reader – another thing I’ve learned) and if it still feels like I’m on the crazy island all alone, I’m going to leave. I am not afraid to leave. I am not afraid to be alone. So I really have nothing to lose on my non-settling quest.
I’ve come up with a few things that none of us should settle for less than in a relationship. This is based purely on what I need out of a relationship. But, it is a start. If you are wondering why you are always pulling the weight or if you need to speak up more about your needs/wants, or are simply wondering if you’re asking too much – the list below in my opinion is more than fair to ask out of a partner.
  • To be a priority – you should never feel like you or the relationship takes the back seat. You should have time together because you both make the relationship a priority. They should fill you in our their plans and what is going on and you should do the same.
  • To know how they feel about you – even if they don’t constantly tell you, you should know how they feel about you. Actions speak louder than words, although it is nice to hear and read, too. Open communication, asking a lot of questions and not being afraid to be vulnerable all contribute to this. If you are shut down, don’t expect them to open up. Tell them how you feel and what you want and don’t want often.
  • Touch – this speaks for itself, but affection should come naturally.
  • Grace – we aren’t always the best version of ourselves. We aren’t perfect and make mistakes. We hurt feelings and can be selfish, too. You should be with someone that loves all of you, even the not so pretty parts. They should be forgiving, understanding and give you grace in these moments. This does not mean you can be an asshole. But it does mean you should be comfortable being 100% YOU, say you’re sorry when you’re wrong and offer the same understanding and grace in return.
  • To be supported and taken care of – nothing should limit your dreams and your partner should support you. In fact, they should make you believe in yourself more. You should feel like someone has your back and no matter what, everything will be ok because you know you have someone to solve life’s challenges with.
  • To trust and be trusted – trust is the backbone of a relationship. Without it, there is no relationship. You should feel trusted because you are trustworthy – so BE trustworthy and honest so you never have to be questioned. If you are trustworthy and honest and still questioned, you are not trusted and this is NOT a fun place to be. So don’t allow that to happen. In reverse, you should trust your partner. If they give you reasons not to trust them, take a long, hard look at the relationship to see if it is really what you want.
  • Laughter – you should have a reason to smile everyday and laugh until your stomach hurts sometimes. Laughing together is an absolute non-negotiable for me. Someone needs to love my weirdness and dorkiness. It’s not an option not to. Always make sure you can laugh at yourself, too.
  • The little things – whether it’s your favorite food, little notes, help without being asked, random flowers delivered to work because they know you’re having a stressful week, a back rub or simply watching your favorite show – all of the little things are truly the biggest things. It can be easy to overlook them, so take time to write down things you notice because they add up and can show you someone is truly trying to take care of you, thinks about you and wants you to be happy. You should do all of this and more in return. Remember – everyone loves differently – so talking openly about how someone shows and receives love will really help out in this area. Speak your partner’s love language for them and allow them to speak yours to you.
  • One life – if you open your life to them, they should open their life to you in return. Even if you are just in a committed relationship and not married, it should not feel choppy. You should feel like one unit and equally involved in each other’s circles. You should talk about the future, what it looks like and how you’re going to get there together.
I know I will not settle for less than the above. I hope you don’t, either. Relationships are messy and complicated, yet also the most beautiful acts of love we will ever experience. However, they are a two-way street. Make sure you give the above and you can expect the above in return from your partner. It will never be perfect or always easy, but this crazy love will be worth it!