If I had to give any advice on this topic, it would simply be: don’t text and date. Kind of like don’t text and drive. Unfortunately, however, that is easier said than done. In today’s world of dating I don’t know how it can be avoided. But, you can control your mind and actions to make it much easier.
Being divorced in my 30s, I was pushed into a dating culture that is much different than the one I was used to in high school and college. Thank God there wasn’t texting or social media at that time. Dating was much more of an effort – like a good old fashioned phone call or – gasp – stopping by. Did you read that – guys had to actually call you or stop by! And you could hear his tone of voice and know if he was joking around or not – and you didn’t have to be an emoji dictionary and probably misinterpret or read too much into what he meant anyway.
Now – don’t get me wrong – waiting for that phone call or stop by wasn’t a picnic and what I would’ve done for additional stalking tools. We had to basically be certified FBI agents. I do think, however, that less is more, especially in the beginning stages of a relationship. And that becomes much more difficult in today’s dating scene.
I have found that I really dislike texting. Like a lot. It does have its moments because it is convenient and quick, but it can drive a completely normal person to think he or she is just a little bit crazy. Especially if you are female. And even more especially if you are an over-thinker or over-analyzer to begin with. Insert grimace face emoji here.
The plain and simple truth is that texting and dating is bad news. Yet if you are dating today, you don’t really have much of a choice. Be prepared for the roller coaster of ups and downs…like all of those memes I see that say “He didn’t text back for six hours…we are so over. Never mind, I just got a kissy face emoji. We are back on.”
Since texting and dating can’t really be avoided, I have come up with ten tips to help you make it through, especially in the beginning:
- Don’t be glued to your phone. Like ever. Wherever you are, be there 100%. You will forget about your phone after awhile. Be fully present in each moment.
- Be busy creating your own life. Discover your likes and dislikes, take up a new hobby, spend time with friends and family, help someone, meet someone new, do something that scares you, write, sing, read…whatever sets your soul on fire.
- Don’t allow texting to change who you are or your behavior. Don’t let what seems like a change in tone, emoji use, etc. change your tone or alter what you would say. Stay true to you. Don’t be insecure. Know how much you are worth, because it is a lot.
- Don’t read into anything. Let me say that again. DON’T READ INTO ANYTHING. Just don’t let yourself do it in any circumstance. If everything has been positive or there is no reason to suspect anything is wrong or has changed, just take a deep breath and let it go.
- Don’t check Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, etc. to see his or her activities. Just stop. They will probably be on there liking stuff, viewing other people’s stories…and not texting you. But it doesn’t mean anything more than the fact that it will happen. I promise.
- Don’t assume to know what they are thinking or how they meant something. You simply cannot read tone or body language in text. You can’t. So stop trying.
- Don’t over text, especially in the beginning. Keep it simple and intriguing.
- Just be funny and lighthearted – you can’t go wrong there.
- Every once in a while, call instead. It will be a surprise.
- If you’ve been drinking…play at your own risk. This is like a drunk dial in my day. You’ll probably regret it if you aren’t sure where you stand. So save it for when you do. Then it’ll be fun.
So, that’s it. That is how I’ve tried to survive texting and dating, even though I am still not a fan of it. At the end of the day, just keep it real. If you wonder something, ask, but ask in person. Nothing will ever replace communicating in person, so do that as much as possible.